Honestly (unfortunately) childhood trauma significantly increases the likelihood of ending up with men like this...and once we've been through an abusive relationship once, everyone else seems better, even if they're still technically abusive. As in, "he talks down to me and makes me feel terrible about myself, but at least he doesn't violate me." Guys like this seem to have spidey senses when it comes to women who are already vulnerable. And their ability to pretend to be something they aren't, especially in the beginning, is uncanny. A lot of these men don't end up lonely. They just move on to hurt somebody else.